Sunday, 25 October 2009

Send me!

Being nagged by God is so joyful and encouraging.

This week, half term, we are visiting some old friends in Whitburn, Tyne and Wear. It's so lovely to catch up with them again, can't believe it was two years since they left London. They have a beautiful house, right on the top of the cliffs by the sea. I'm sitting in their lounge now, the rest of the house asleep, listening to the sound of the waves crashing and seagulls squarking.

Last week I was asked some questions by a vicar (in whose church I have been doing a placement for the last three months), he has to write a report on me and wanted to clarify a few things with me. The questions didn't scare me but did make me think once again and doubt - "is it really me you are calling Lord, why me?" I gave the vicar what I thought were pretty good answers at the time but as I left the shadow of doubt crept in and has stayed with me in the back of my mind since then.

It’s horrible when you are not at peace with your soul. When think you have heard clearly from God, yet doubt creeps in and seeks to steal your joy away.

Yesterday we visited the Venerable Bede’s church, St Pauls in Jarrow, a beautiful little church, 1400 years old. It’s open to visitors to see the Bede’s seat and other Christian artefacts. We were it’s only visitors and as we walked in one of the people who showed visitors around started playing the organ, she launched into Here I am Lord (Words and Music by Daniel L Schutte© 1981) a song that I was first moved by 7 years ago when I became a Christian, as my children sang it in a school assembly. Its’ words are really moving, especially when sung by a child. When I have been asked about my calling I generally refer to it as a big part of my realisation that it is me that He is calling.

So feeling suitably nagged by God, and full of joy that even far away from home He finds ways to remind me of his majesty and love for me, I watched as my children and my friends’ children wrote prayers and hung them on a prayer tree, prayers of thanks, prayers of love for their Father in heaven – and I gave thanks for heavenly nagging!

Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.

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