You only get out what you put in!

My gorgeous eldest daughter was born in February 1995 and I remember those sleepless nights and equally long days of coping with a new born. Stumbling from nappy change to feed, to nappy change, hoping I had got them in the right order. In all honesty not having the foggiest what I was doing, making it up as I went along. Spending hours gazing at our small bundle of innocence in her cot praying “Lord, wherever else I may fail, don’t let it be here!”

Now, sixteen years later it is GCSE time in our household. Molly is taking 14 GSCEs. Her predicted grades are As and A*s; that’s a big ask for a small person and we are really proud of her and how hard she has worked to hopefully achieve those grades. However, I do have to remind myself that we too have worked hard and played in part in her success, encouraging her in her education by helping her with homework, by attending parents’ evenings, by making sure she has been in school each day, that she has been equipped with all she needs for school, that she has full school uniform and cheered her on in all her educational endeavours. The part we play in our children’s education is just as important as the part they play. As a result of our input Molly has worked to the best of her ability during her school career, especially in the last two years of GCSE study. She has her own aspirations to become a doctor and so has set herself goals of what she would like to achieve. Therefore, her recent study leave and revision time has been just that. She has learnt everything she needed to learn over the last two years and this time is truly a time for revision/reminding herself of her knowledge rather than trying to learn it from scratch. We are very proud of her.

How our children turn out says more about our parenting skills than about their genes. God has put awesome power into our hands – the power to shape the next generation – and it takes a lot of commitment. We need to be part of their spiritual, emotional and educational challenges even when we are exhausted ourselves. We need to accept them unconditionally, even when they don’t want what we hope for them. Finally we need to be unfailing in our encouragement. Whether they win or lose, are right or wrong, make us look good or embarrass us; we need to understand, console and encourage them nevertheless. They need to know that we would never reject them, no matter what happens.

Each day when Molly goes off to sit an exam I joke with her. I say “I love you so much, if you just wrote your name on the test paper and that was all you did I would still love you!” I wrote my name on her life the day she was born and committed to see the ‘test’ through to the end, no matter what. It has been very testing at times, but as with everything in life you get out of it what you put in.

Kill them with kindness!

My Dad always used to say “...kill them with kindness Sally” and it is something that has stuck with me. A kind gentle word can defuse all kinds of awful, ugly situations. A simple expression of love can melt any act of anger or hatred. Words spoken in love can bolster a broken spirit and heal broken hearts. A look of pride, a display of joy can change the atmosphere in a room full of people. How you say or do something is crucial to how it is received by the other party involved.

It says in Ephesians 4:32 “Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you.”

We live in a world that is so broken, a world that openly accepts blame culture and is now moving into such a litigious state that soon I wouldn’t be surprised if someone broke a finger nail they may call ‘Injurylawers4U’ and sue God for it!

And all this bitterness, anger and disrespect that people carry around with them against others, because whatever happened wasn’t their fault, is making a society that is permanently angry. I was chatting to a wise ‘older’ woman yesterday at Barney’s who said to me that in her experience of watching children grow over the past 50 years, she noticed that a large proportion of them displayed the same kind of demeanour as their parents, it is a learnt behaviour. If their parents were the type to be stressed most of the time, then their children had grown up to be similar; if the parents were anxious, then their children tended to be anxious; if the parents had little self respect, then it seemed so with the children as they grew; if the parents were laid back, then their children were laid back. I had to say that I agreed with her and it made me think about what we are subconsciously passing on to our children. In this culture that we live in, are we encouraging our children to become the next generation of bitter and angry people who feel everything wasn’t their fault and the world owes them a living; or are we taking responsibility for our actions and acting towards other people as God would have us do, by being gentle, sensitive and forgiving.

Did you know that kindness is a drug? It gives you a far better kick than chocolate! Disrespect, rudeness, incivility, and a lack of kindness have become a serious problem. You will be hard pressed to ever go a day in your life when you won't meet someone that doesn't need a kind word. This week I had quite a few occasions where I had the privilege to thank someone for what they had done for me; give someone who wasn’t feeling on top form a hug and kind words; to encourage someone who wasn’t feeling all that confident about something they had to do; and tell someone I was proud of them. Some of these people were total strangers, people with whom I had no relationship, yet it was fantastic to be able to speak positivity into their lives. Not only did improve their situation, but it gave me a lovely warm feeling inside, I felt incredibly blessed. It was the kind of feeling that money can’t buy and I am pretty sure should be prescribed for certain depressive illnesses. It is impossible, not to be unbelievably blessed when somebody sends a kind deed or a kind word your way. Remember this saying and kill someone with kindness. You really can do that with people. You can kill animosity, bitterness, anger, and hard feelings with just a little kindness.

Amen!

Hold my hand and we will do this together........

I was teaching this morning at the Family Craft Morning on how when we are scared we just have to turn to God, because he is bigger than any fear we can be facing and He says to us ‘I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you’ in the book of Isaiah 41:13 (TNIV).

As I spoke I asked one of the children to come and hold my hand and in that moment I was struck with just what a powerfully comforting feeling it is holding someone’s hand.

I got to thinking of how many times my girls have, and still do, slip their hand into mine in order for me to guide them and for them to feel protected; and how often I slip my hand into my husband’s when I am feeling a bit vulnerable in a social situation.

What a privilege it is to have our children trust us so much that they feel reassured by just holding our hand and also what an honour it is to be able to guide them in such an intimate way. I am sure we have all used hand holding as a control measure, when we are crossing the road or in a busy shopping centre where we don’t want to lose our children, quite possibly never really understanding what a powerful sign of love and protection it is to those whose hand we are holding.

So just think how powerful it is to know that God wants to hold our hand; that just as we reach our hand out to our children, so He reaches out His hand to us His children and says ‘Do not fear, I will help you’.

If you are in fear of something today, just reach out, God will take your hand and guide you through whatever it is – it may not be a smooth journey, or an enjoyable one, but with God by your side you will get through it. God says to us “Hold my hand, we will do this together!”.

Father God, thank you that you are not a distant God because you are by our side all the time. Remind us to reach out to you when times are tough because we know that You will take our right hand and help us through the scary moment, let’s do this together. Praise You Father, Amen.

Love and Support

God has opened my eyes wider this week to something really precious to me: the gift of belonging to a community and all the benefits that brings in the form of friendships, accountability, love and support.

Many of us these days live far away from our families, those who would naturally provide our community and support system. London is a place where, unless you are born there, is generally where people come to live specifically for work. At Barney’s of the 150 members we have people from all over the world as well as all over Great Britain.

I think I am possibly one of the few born and bred Londoners at Barney’s; I was born in Hackney, East London and spend my childhood in Enfield. But I am the last of my family to remain in London, they have all moved away, mainly to Hertfordshire, which isn’t far, but far enough. I am married to Steve who is from Dundee in Scotland, where his family remains. So even for me, a Londoner, my natural support system is distant.

Some of you may not know the background to my leading Barney’s. 10 years ago I joined Barney’s, I too was a victim of the dreaded waiting list, but it was so worth it when I finally got a place and became a member. My own children were at school by this point and I was a childminder. I had tried toddler groups with my girls, but found all the ones I visited just never fitted me, some were unwelcoming, others cliquey and some were in grotty church halls and lacked life. They didn’t bless or enhance my life in any way.

The first child I minded was Sara’s eldest child, Mike. She recommended Barney’s to me as she knew about it because she was a member of St Bs. So I went along to Barney’s expecting to find the same as I had found everywhere else, but was pleasantly surprised, mainly by the coffee but there was something there that I couldn’t put into words. From the moment I walked in I felt welcome, comfortable, relaxed and at home. So to hear I had to go on a waiting list was a bit sad and eventually when I got a place it was to bring Sara’s second son, Tom (who is now 11).

Being a member of Barney’s saved my life, as a parent of young children there are days when you feel you are just stumbling from one disaster to another, it is confusing and joyful at the same time, the pressure you feel under to be a good parent and do the right thing for your child is intense and as the milestones pass by you wonder if what you have done is good enough. This is when you need your support system, someone to affirm you in your parenting, someone to hug you when you are having a bad day, someone to listen when you want to let off steam, someone to tell you they love you, someone to offer to babysit, someone to help you look for a nursery or school place – someone to share the ups and downs of parenting a small person. And that is what I found at Barney’s, I made some amazing friends, met some wonderful women and men, all of us in the same boat, all of us needing each other and everyone willing to give their time to each other to help and support each other. I think you call it a family!

I immediately gained grandparents, aunts and uncles, sisters and brothers and was accepted and loved into the Barney’s family. A year after joining Barney’s I became a Christian, and joined St Barnabas Church as a member, a year after that was asked if I would like the privilege of taking on the leadership of Barney’s. I couldn’t refuse, I loved Barney’s and so wanted for it to be able to give to others what I had received when I had become a member. My saying of 'once a Barney’s member always a Barney’s member’ is kind of a selfish one in a way, because I have an incredible fondness for all the families I have met through Barney’s and have spent many a wonderful time chatting with them and having the privilege to share in their lives that I want to maintain that relationship. So when I say, drop in for a cup of coffee any time – I really mean it, I find it really sad when people leave and I have to say goodbye to a friend.

When I took on the leadership of Barney’s I prayed “Lord help me to maintain what you have built here through the previous leaders, what I have benefitted from so greatly and what long to pass on to others” and that is my prayer still. Being a member of the Barney’s family and gaining the gift of belonging to a community and all the benefits that brings in the form of friendships, accountability, love and support is so precious. I love meeting you all, I love hanging out with you all, I love being able to share my ups and downs with you and to do the same with you. To me Barney’s is so much more than a toddler group, you are my family, my friends and I want to thank you all so much for being there for me and as St Paul says in the book of Philippians

“Every time you cross my mind, I break out in exclamations of thanks to God. Each exclamation is a trigger to prayer. I find myself praying for you with a glad heart.” Philippians 1:3-4

I love you all x x x x x x x

lastminute.mum

Picture the scene, Friday morning 7.25am:

“Mum, I need £3 for a French play today” Alice announces just she is about to leave for school.

“Oh and Mum” says Molly, “I need two sets of acrylic paints and a wonderwoman T shirt”

“You what?” I reply.

“I think I can handle the £3” I lie, knowing full well I don’t have a penny in my purse and will have to go and ask Steve if he has any cash, “when do you need the paint and t shirt for?”

“Paints for Monday for GCSE art and T shirt for Drama GCSE on Wednesday” replies Molly.

I stand there wondering if it is indeed me who needs the wonderwoman T shirt right at that very moment!

I try to stay calm at the lastminute.mum requests, considering it is Friday morning; I will be at work all day (squeezing in at 4.30pm a visit to the Post Office to get Molly’s CRB verified and three haircuts, so no window for shopping there), Saturday we are attending my nephew’s ‘naming day’ and Sunday is never a good day for shopping for me, plus where on earth do you start looking for a wonderwoman T shirt!

The very idea of forward planning is not in a teenagers psyche; Molly has known the dates of all her exams for a couple of months now and surely would have known what she needed for them. So I smile, take a deep breath, find Steve and relieve him of £3. Then turn on my computer and Google wonderwoman T shirts. Praise God for Amazon and their special delivery service, a little more than I would have wanted to pay for a wonderwoman T shirt (if I had ever really wanted one!), but job done. Now just to hope that I don’t have to trek to Hatfield Galleria to buy more paint, which I could squeeze in on Sunday (but would rather not!), think I will fly by Tiger on the High Road first, they don’t generally let me down! I can squeeze that in on Saturday morning on the way to the naming day.

OK, ‘supermum’ status has been restored; plans have been made, time to send my gorgeous girls off to school.

“Oh and Mum, sorry just remembered, my teacher asked me to sing in the leavers concert next Friday and I need a backing track for ‘Someone like you’ by Adele.” says Molly as I kiss her goodbye for school, “I love you Mum!” she adds, as I weakly smile and scream inside! It’s just as well she is so adorable.

And off they trot to school without a care in the world, because they have just dumped them all on me, and off I trot, back to Google for Adele backing tracks. Think I will have a cup of tea and pray first, to bolster up my spirit and commit the rest of my day to the Lord, lastminute.mum sure takes it out of me!

Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. Thessalonians 5:16-18 (New Living Translation)

Jesus, thank you that you bring peace to my world, peace in my heart, peace in my mind. Guide me today, steer me safely round any other last minute things thrown in my way today. I love you Lord. Amen

The Garden

I love to journal; it’s not like keeping a daily diary, more of an ongoing conversation with Jesus. I try every day to read my Bible, pray and spend time with God. Inevitably this doesn’t happen every day, but I find when I do make time for God my days are so much easier to face and get through.

My journals are really precious to me, full of words from God, cards and letters from friends, songs, poems, pictures, and conversations with Jesus. I started journaling on Saturday 26th April 2006, and so much has happened since then. It is great to be able to look back to see what has been going on in my life and just how much God has done for me and in me, during that time.

I don’t often share what I write in my journals, but I was really moved by something I wrote last week and I feel God is asking me to share it with you. A couple of weeks ago my friend Rex, challenged me to “find somewhere nice to sit with Jesus and see what happened”. This is what happened on the first occasion I did, on the 14th April:

The Garden

I walked towards a beautiful ornate metal gate in a really high, thick hedge. The gate was really cold to the touch as I pushed it open. But as I walked inside the hedge it was really sunny, bright and warm. There was a garden, filled with lots and lots of flowers; tall ones, short ones, all different colours, no rhyme or reason to how they were planted. They were all moving slightly in a light breeze, almost dancing – as if they were laughing and having fun.
There was a gardener standing right in the middle and I can see, on closer inspection at low level that there are lots of brambles with sharp thorns beginning to constrict the flowers freedom of movement. But the gardener has a huge smile on his face and a pair of secateurs in his hand.

He calls me to join him in the middle. I make my way to him, but my clothes keep getting caught on the brambles, my legs getting scratched. It is a slow process getting to him as I have to untangle myself from the brambles.

“Well done, you made it” he says and laughs at the same time, “isn’t this glorious!”

“Yes, it’s beautiful, so beautiful, but I am a little sad that the brambles are beginning to take over” I said.

“Don’t you worry, we can sort that out” and he begins to chop each bramble off at its root, gently moving each beautiful flower to one side to get at the source of the bramble. “Here you go, just follow what I am doing” he says as he hands me a pair of secateurs. “I’ll show you how.”

So in the beautiful sunny garden we work together for hours, gently freeing the beautiful flowers from the brambles. Both of our hands and legs are scratched and bleeding from the brambles, but there seems to be no pain. The pile of removed brambles becomes bigger and bigger. The flowers are able to dance freely in the breeze, nothing hindering them.
As we chop the final brambles, he laughs loudly, “Well that’s a great day’s work eh, how beautiful is that?”

I laugh too, like I have never laughed before, our hands are scratched and dripping blood, our legs the same – yet we laugh and it seems as if the flowers are laughing too.

“I love doing jobs like that, so satisfying” he says.

“You did a great job,” I replied “thanks for teaching me and letting me help you. It is very rewarding to see the flowers so free.”

“You can’t stop now” he said, “those brambles will be back, they are sneaky, you chop them down here and they come back there. Keep those secateurs, you will need them. Keep an eye out for the brambles, keep them under control, keep cutting them back – I will always be here to help you. I love doing it, it is FUN!”

“But what about your hands and feet,” I ask “surely they hurt”

“Oh no” he says “It’s only a little scratch, and it’s worth it to be able to see such beauty don’t you think?”

I had to agree. He started laughing again and we laughed together for ages.


Happy Easter to you all, I pray that you meet with Jesus, the Master Gardener, and allow Him to come and help you clear the brambles from your garden and in turn allow Him to help you keep them under control. He longs to see beauty in your garden, He longs to hear you laugh the laugh that comes with the freedom that knowing Him, and working alongside Him brings!

When do you stop worrying about your kids?

When do you stop worrying about your kids?

When I was 21 the most embarrassing thing of my life happened. I had been working in the City for three years and was still living at home in Enfield with my mum and dad. I was on a night out with my friends from work and it was 1am when we decided to head home. Two of my friends had to get back to Essex, but by that time had missed the last train so I offered them a bed at my house. So we all jumped on the night bus and headed back to Enfield. At 2am, as we approached my house, I saw the living room light was on, which I thought was a bit strange. I put the key in the door and let us in. We walked in to find my mum sitting on the sofa in her dressing gown, knitting; she turned and smiled and said “ok love, just catching up on a few episodes of Minder.” Oh my gosh, it’s 2am mum! She was waiting up for me and I had bought home two friends to witness this majorly embarrassing moment in my life!

I want to say a huge sorry to my mum, because I now know exactly what she was thinking and why she was waiting up. I now understand that you never stop worrying about your kids, no matter what age they are; five, fifteen, 25 or 55.

Even when I was grown, married and had children, whenever I visited mum and dad, to let them know that I was safely home (in Finchley after the perilous 20 minute journey from Enfield), I had to give them ‘three rings’; which meant phoning their telephone number, letting it ring three times and then putting the phone down.

I am that mum now, sitting catching up on episodes of ‘Jamie’s Dream School’ whilst waiting to collect my girls from wherever they are ‘til midnight, stressing out when they are 20 minutes late home from school; concerned when they are not answering their mobile phones, praying for them in their every move. You will never stop worrying about your children; the list of things you can and will worry about is endless. But remember to cast your cares on God; He loves them more than you. It says in Philippians 4:

6-7 Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the centre of your life.

I thank God for my beautiful girls and that He loves them more than I do, although I do question how that could be possible! He loves your children too, more than you do! Remember to pray for them, from the little worries of school place to the big worries of who they are going to marry. God hears every prayer, big or small. He has it all in control, He knows our concerns, He has plans for our children and will settle our worries. Put God at the centre of your family, trust Him with your children. Let Him do the worrying.

I wonder what God watches on TV at 2am when He is waiting for us to come home?