Ok, so ten minutes ago Steve and I were the proud parents of two little girls aged five and seven, beautiful, cheeky and fun. Now all of a sudden it turns out that our eldest little girl is seventeen, going on eighteen and going to university next year. She is filling out application forms and writing personal statements, making decisions on how far she is going away from home and where the next stage of her life is going to take place because it isn’t going to be in our house anymore – how can that have happened? Where has time gone, where have our babies gone? I keep trying to allowing myself to think ahead to next year when we say goodbye to her, but it makes me feel so sad I don’t want to go there yet.
Another step in that direction happened yesterday, when Molly passed her driving test, and immediately jumped into the car that we had so foolishly bought her for her birthday in February and drove off into the sunset to pick her sister up from school. No more are we going to hear in the mornings “Mum, Dad can we get a lift to school today?” No more staying up late waiting to go and pick them up from somewhere. Yes a huge part of me is pleased for her, but the rest of me is feeling totally bereaved. How can that be true, my baby is driving a car!
“This time next year Mum it is going to be just you, me and Dad” says Alice, reassuring me that she isn’t going anywhere, but that isn’t strictly true as already she is looking at what she wants to study at university, as she plans what A levels to take next year.
This week at college morning prayers were about time and how we should enjoy our three years studying; how all good things take time to achieve. Lincoln, who was preaching said that ‘time is God's way of stopping everything happening at once.’ Well I have to say that at the moment I feel like time has very much caught up with me. By the end of my three years studying everything I knew and took for granted about my family will have totally changed. Molly will go to university at the beginning of my 2nd year, and Alice will go off the year I finish, 2015. My babies will both be gone and it will just be Steve and I, on our own again.
At this point I think I would like to ask the world to stop, because I’m a bit scared. I love having my girls around, I am so proud of them and I am sure their futures will only give me more to be proud about. I will miss them terribly, but what Lincoln said is true, God has cleverly given us 17, going on 18 years with them, and bit by bit, year by year they have been growing up and becoming independent of us; everything hasn’t happened at once, although at the moment it feels like it. But I thank God for the time we have had with them, what an absolute blessing they have been to us, what a privilege it has been to be their parents and watch them grow into the lives God has planned for them, strong, beautiful, intelligent women of God.
Yes, my baby has today driven herself to her Saturday job; I am no longer needed at 6pm to pick her up. But I am so proud of her. She is working, and has been for a year now, she has saved money so that now she can drive she can afford to run her little car. What a sensible young lady.
But I think for the time being I will just look at life day by day, the big picture is just a bit too much to cope with. I’m with you God, one day at a time.
“Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes." Matthew 6:34 (The Message)
Thank you Lord that you are in charge of time, and one day at a time is what we have because I am pretty sure I couldn’t cope with any more. Thank you for the pleasure of being able to watch Molly and Alice grow daily. Lord as they go off into the world I pray that you watch over them, guide them and continue to help them grow. Thank you for giving us such beautiful children. Amen x