The Garden

I love to journal; it’s not like keeping a daily diary, more of an ongoing conversation with Jesus. I try every day to read my Bible, pray and spend time with God. Inevitably this doesn’t happen every day, but I find when I do make time for God my days are so much easier to face and get through.

My journals are really precious to me, full of words from God, cards and letters from friends, songs, poems, pictures, and conversations with Jesus. I started journaling on Saturday 26th April 2006, and so much has happened since then. It is great to be able to look back to see what has been going on in my life and just how much God has done for me and in me, during that time.

I don’t often share what I write in my journals, but I was really moved by something I wrote last week and I feel God is asking me to share it with you. A couple of weeks ago my friend Rex, challenged me to “find somewhere nice to sit with Jesus and see what happened”. This is what happened on the first occasion I did, on the 14th April:

The Garden

I walked towards a beautiful ornate metal gate in a really high, thick hedge. The gate was really cold to the touch as I pushed it open. But as I walked inside the hedge it was really sunny, bright and warm. There was a garden, filled with lots and lots of flowers; tall ones, short ones, all different colours, no rhyme or reason to how they were planted. They were all moving slightly in a light breeze, almost dancing – as if they were laughing and having fun.
There was a gardener standing right in the middle and I can see, on closer inspection at low level that there are lots of brambles with sharp thorns beginning to constrict the flowers freedom of movement. But the gardener has a huge smile on his face and a pair of secateurs in his hand.

He calls me to join him in the middle. I make my way to him, but my clothes keep getting caught on the brambles, my legs getting scratched. It is a slow process getting to him as I have to untangle myself from the brambles.

“Well done, you made it” he says and laughs at the same time, “isn’t this glorious!”

“Yes, it’s beautiful, so beautiful, but I am a little sad that the brambles are beginning to take over” I said.

“Don’t you worry, we can sort that out” and he begins to chop each bramble off at its root, gently moving each beautiful flower to one side to get at the source of the bramble. “Here you go, just follow what I am doing” he says as he hands me a pair of secateurs. “I’ll show you how.”

So in the beautiful sunny garden we work together for hours, gently freeing the beautiful flowers from the brambles. Both of our hands and legs are scratched and bleeding from the brambles, but there seems to be no pain. The pile of removed brambles becomes bigger and bigger. The flowers are able to dance freely in the breeze, nothing hindering them.
As we chop the final brambles, he laughs loudly, “Well that’s a great day’s work eh, how beautiful is that?”

I laugh too, like I have never laughed before, our hands are scratched and dripping blood, our legs the same – yet we laugh and it seems as if the flowers are laughing too.

“I love doing jobs like that, so satisfying” he says.

“You did a great job,” I replied “thanks for teaching me and letting me help you. It is very rewarding to see the flowers so free.”

“You can’t stop now” he said, “those brambles will be back, they are sneaky, you chop them down here and they come back there. Keep those secateurs, you will need them. Keep an eye out for the brambles, keep them under control, keep cutting them back – I will always be here to help you. I love doing it, it is FUN!”

“But what about your hands and feet,” I ask “surely they hurt”

“Oh no” he says “It’s only a little scratch, and it’s worth it to be able to see such beauty don’t you think?”

I had to agree. He started laughing again and we laughed together for ages.


Happy Easter to you all, I pray that you meet with Jesus, the Master Gardener, and allow Him to come and help you clear the brambles from your garden and in turn allow Him to help you keep them under control. He longs to see beauty in your garden, He longs to hear you laugh the laugh that comes with the freedom that knowing Him, and working alongside Him brings!

When do you stop worrying about your kids?

When do you stop worrying about your kids?

When I was 21 the most embarrassing thing of my life happened. I had been working in the City for three years and was still living at home in Enfield with my mum and dad. I was on a night out with my friends from work and it was 1am when we decided to head home. Two of my friends had to get back to Essex, but by that time had missed the last train so I offered them a bed at my house. So we all jumped on the night bus and headed back to Enfield. At 2am, as we approached my house, I saw the living room light was on, which I thought was a bit strange. I put the key in the door and let us in. We walked in to find my mum sitting on the sofa in her dressing gown, knitting; she turned and smiled and said “ok love, just catching up on a few episodes of Minder.” Oh my gosh, it’s 2am mum! She was waiting up for me and I had bought home two friends to witness this majorly embarrassing moment in my life!

I want to say a huge sorry to my mum, because I now know exactly what she was thinking and why she was waiting up. I now understand that you never stop worrying about your kids, no matter what age they are; five, fifteen, 25 or 55.

Even when I was grown, married and had children, whenever I visited mum and dad, to let them know that I was safely home (in Finchley after the perilous 20 minute journey from Enfield), I had to give them ‘three rings’; which meant phoning their telephone number, letting it ring three times and then putting the phone down.

I am that mum now, sitting catching up on episodes of ‘Jamie’s Dream School’ whilst waiting to collect my girls from wherever they are ‘til midnight, stressing out when they are 20 minutes late home from school; concerned when they are not answering their mobile phones, praying for them in their every move. You will never stop worrying about your children; the list of things you can and will worry about is endless. But remember to cast your cares on God; He loves them more than you. It says in Philippians 4:

6-7 Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the centre of your life.

I thank God for my beautiful girls and that He loves them more than I do, although I do question how that could be possible! He loves your children too, more than you do! Remember to pray for them, from the little worries of school place to the big worries of who they are going to marry. God hears every prayer, big or small. He has it all in control, He knows our concerns, He has plans for our children and will settle our worries. Put God at the centre of your family, trust Him with your children. Let Him do the worrying.

I wonder what God watches on TV at 2am when He is waiting for us to come home?

From generation to generation .............

The Bible is a historical account of the people of God. Stories of generations of people, all learning from previous generation’s successes and failures, striving to improve life for the future generations.

That is still a truth for the people of today as we strive to bring better lives to our children. Steve and I made a conscious decision when we had our girls to improve on the parenting we ourselves received, not to just replicate our parents parenting; we felt it was important to try to understand the world our girls were going to be living in and parent accordingly.

Not to say that our parents were bad, but a symptom of their generation seemed to be secrecy and inhibition. Both of our parents didn’t talk openly to us about sex or relationships. I can understand their shyness at approaching these topics, but I in particular made some choices I wished I hadn’t made in my teens and twenties due to being under informed and having to find out about life for myself.

Conversations about sexual and emotional integrity are not easy, you have to step well and truly out of your comfort zone to broach them, yet they are so important. Especially in a world that seems to be sexualising children as young as six or seven years old with inappropriate underwear and clothing, TV programmes and movies.

Our children need to know that:

• they have the right to own their own bodies – no one as the right to touch their bodies without their permission, that there are good ways to touch a person and bad ways.


• that they have the right to say no to anything – regardless of what others try to get them to do if it doesn’t feel right they have the they have the right to say no.


• they have the right to drive rather than be driven – if they are in a situation that they don’t feel is right, they can drive that situation in a better direction. It is ok to swim against the tide and be their own person.


• they have the right to be choosy – especially in the arena of dating, that dating is about choosing and not being chosen.


• they have the right to defend themselves and others – they should never ever have to tolerate someone mistreating them or anyone else. If they tolerate mistreatment they are enabling that person to think it’s ok to talk disrespectfully to them or take advantage of them.


• they have the right to privacy – that their friends do not have the right to be completely in their business; personal lives are personal lives. They have the right to privacy whenever they feel they need it whether it is changing clothes in private or keeping a diary.

The children of today are going to live in a far different future to the present that we live in now; and their children, our grandchildren will experience the same fast moving, fast changing world. Frequent chats with your children about sex and relationships, a willingness and openness to talk about any subject with them at anytime can greatly strengthen family bonds and build them up in their life’s journey.

Wouldn’t it be great if our kids always called on us, their parents, for answers to their questions about sexuality, relationships and life because they knew we were not only willing but eager to answer? And because they felt that no one else knew as much about the topic as Mum and Dad because we are able to be open and honest with them?

When your children need to talk about these topics, who will they go to? Will they be free to come to you?

Men and women who have lived wisely and well will shine brilliantly, like the cloudless, starstrewn night skies. And those who put others on the right path will glow like stars forever. (Daniel 12:3 The Message)

To clean or not to clean, that is the question!

My wonderful husband is not only a wonderful husband but also an amazing dad. Usually very even tempered and fair, there is only one thing that tips him over the edge when it comes to our girls’ behaviour. And that is Molly’s ‘floordrobe’.

It does make me sad also that every single article of clothing she owns is strewn over her bedroom floor and that the wardrobe and chest of drawers sit there redundant; their doors and drawers fully open in a begging ‘fill me’ stance. Yet I know that when I was her age my bedroom floor looked exactly the same! When I ask her to tidy the clothes and give me her dirty washing she does so, some of the clothes make it into the drawers, and the rest are screwed up and shoved in the bottom of the wardrobe. They stay there for 24 hours max. I have learnt to pull the room door closed and have chosen to ignore it; sadly Steve struggles with my decision.

I have just read a great book called ‘Boundaries with Kids’ which affirmed my stance on the ‘floordrobe’ situation. We tend to parent in the present without thinking of the future, dealing with the problems at hand; forgetting that the main goal of parenting is raising our children to be responsible adults. If I were to clean Molly’s room every week, putting away her clothes for her, picking up everything she dropped what would that teach her? Would her future husband be happy with having to pick up after her? I would love to see Molly lying in bed each night in a beautifully tidy bedroom. However my helping her to keep her room tidy would not be ‘helping’ her future. She could develop a character in which she could feel entitled to everyone else’s help. This character trait could also end up playing out in other aspects of her life. Tidying after our children will not teach them how to be responsible for themselves and have respect for their belongings.

When you are a parent, you help create your child’s future. The patterns children establish early in life (their character) they will live out later. A character is always formed in relationship; never underestimate your role as parent in developing this character. As it says in Proverbs 22:6 “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it”

I can’t recommend this book highly enough as it tackles all age groups, from infancy to teens. It looks at issues such as inattention to parental directives, defying authority, whining, aggressive behaviour, school problems, conflicts with friends, sex, drugs and gangs. This book is not ‘problem centred’ but ‘principle centred’ in that it is organised around key concepts that will help children take ownership of their lives.

The suggestions it makes are geared much more towards how we as parents behave with our children than toward educating our children. Learning boundaries has a lot to do with going through experiences, receiving consequences for that behaviour and therefore learning to take ownership of one’s actions. As we learn to require responsibility from our children, they learn the value of being responsible. The process begins with us.

‘No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.’ Hebrews 12:11

Boundaries with Kids – Dr Henry Cloud & Dr John Townsend Zondervan ISBN 0-310-24315-7

Also one for us adults which is a great read too!

Boundaries – When to say YES and When to say NO to take control of your life - Dr Henry Cloud & Dr John Townsend Zondervan ISBN 0-310-24745-4

I will be getting copies of both books for the Barney’s library.

Hugs, cuddles and love!

We are stuck in a blur of evening school meetings at present. Last week choosing year 10 GCSE options for Alice, this week A level options for Molly and next week Alice’s parents consultations. Still I can’t think of anything better to do on a Thursday evening that hear from other people about how wonderful our girls are, it’s a lovely treat.

It was interesting this Thursday, as we got out of the car, to hear from Molly, our 16 year old “OK parents, today there are rules; Dad you can’t hold my hand, Mum you can, but I would prefer if you held my arm. Dad please don’t say anything embarrassing, Mum please don’t let him! Once we are inside school no physical contact unless I initiate it OK? I know that you love me and I love you too, but those are the rules”

Oh how they are growing up. Touch is the first expression of love that goes beyond words. Touch is your first communication with your baby, and throughout life it remains our most vulnerable and tender connection with each other. I am a physical contact person, I love hugging and being hugged; just a touch or squeeze of the top of the arm can convey your love for someone. Molly has always been the kind of child who would love to be inside my skin if she could, physical touch means so much to her. However, it now seems we have reached the stage where it is totally uncool to be seen in public holding Mum’s hand!

Every touch has a feeling that comes with it. A light soft touch expresses your warm feelings for a person; it says “I like you”. A warm gentle hug conveys “I’ll take care of you”, an affectionate embrace says “You’re safe”.

Have you ever noticed when someone takes your hand or touches you with love and sensitivity that a wonderful phenomenon occurs? Stress and tension dissolve. Fear recedes. Babies fall asleep in such soothing arms; children unwind and calm down with a gentle reassuring touch.

And a word to the wise: experts agree that premature sexual experimentation stems from a hunger for loving touch. So hold and cuddle your child as much as you can. As they grow, give affectionate hugs when they are near, snuggle up on the sofa watching movies or reading books. Hold hands if they will let you. But remember, never force a touch or a hug on a child; like all of us they have a right to maintain a comfort zone around their own physical space - as we were informed on Thursday night!

Molly didn’t want me to hold her hand, but I caught her leaning into me, sitting close to me; her way of touching without too much closeness, but maintaining the comfort levels she needed from me. When a child gives you the go-ahead, it’s ok to reach out with tenderness so that your touch is a compassionate source of comfort now and always.

‘Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God.’ 1 John 4:7 NLT

Just where is Tiredsville?

“I am tireder than I tired thing from Tiredsville!”

In order to substantiate this statement I guess we first need to know:

· what a tired thing is
· just how tired the tired thing is
· where is ‘Tiredsville’
· how tired do you have to be to be more tired than the tired thing
· and just what on earth am I rambling on about?

Parenting brings on these moments of tiredness that are totally indescribable. Mainly because you are unable to string two words together because you are so exhausted and your brain has turned to mush.

I remember when my girls were first born, those first few months of every three hours, night and day, that were so totally debilitating. It was a real struggle moving from Saturday and Sunday morning lie ins, with a newspaper and a cup of tea; to the overnight total lack of regard a small person has for their parent’s rest and relaxation routine.

I longed and fantasised about the day when I would not feel tired anymore. I knew that then my life would be great. I even started recognising different types of tiredness:

· the foggy tiredness, when you move and act automatically and are somehow unable to make decisions beyond the next 10 minutes, the next hour, the next day.

· the intense bodily tiredness where your entire body feels as though it is wading through porridge. It takes an enormous effort to walk, bend down, get up, even blink!

· the tension tiredness, where you neck feels tight from the base of your skull to the tips of your shoulder blades.

· the numbing tiredness when you can't feel anything. Not happy, not sad, not upset, not excited, not guilty or encouraged.

· and then the tiredness where you feel everything at once. Sad and happy and angry and scared and laughing and crying.

I still long for and fantasise about the day when I will not feel tired anymore. The small person drops the night feeds, sleeps through, but still gets up early. The older they get the later they go to bed, but they still get up early and your day gets busier with running them here and there and running after them here and there. What you gain in sleep you expend in energy. The even older they get, the even later they go to bed and it has been known on more than one occasion recently for my two girls to ‘tuck me in’ at bedtime. The good news is they then sleep in until midday, the bad news is you are up early bringing them tea and a newspaper in bed – the good news is you get to wake them up to give it to them! Ha ha! Revenge is sweet (tee hee).

I’m off to Tiredsville to find out what a tired thing is. I guess I am looking for something that looks a bit like me. I will start my search by looking on the inside of my eyelids.

Hope you all have a restful weekend, sleep well x x x x

Love your neighbour as you love yourself

When I woke this morning I smelt brioche cooking in the kitchen, I was bought a cup of tea in bed and got to thinking how blessed I am. While we may be struggling in this country with the present economic state there seems to be an awful of worse things going on around the world. I am not belittling what is happening as I have many friends who have lost their jobs and are finding it really hard to find another. However, we should to take a look at the world situation and count our blessings.

God tells us to love our neighbour as we love ourselves, this shouldn’t extend to just our immediate locality, but the whole world. There is not a lot we can do for the world in a physical sense but we can pray for them.

So please join with me today in praying for the people of Egypt and Libya, especially the families with small people. Father we pray that the political situations in those countries will become less volatile, that any new leaders will be full of integrity and interested in the good of the people they lead.

Let’s also pray for the people of New Zealand whose homes and lives have been destroyed by the recent earthquake and lift up to God the families of the people who have died.
Remember the people of Australia, Brazil, Bolivia and Sri Lanka, whose family lives have been destroyed by floods. Lord help them to rebuilt their homes and their lives. Be their rock Lord!

Let’s also keep in mind the people of Haiti, particularly all the children who lost their parents a year ago and are now being placed with families all over the world. Father bless them, give them peace as they learn how to love and be loved by new parents, brothers and sisters.
Lord we lift up all the children and families in the world to you. Lord bless them and keep them.

And finally let’s pray for this country, for the economic and political situation. Lord we ask that you give your peace to all those who have lost their jobs and livelihoods. We pray for all the families struggling to survive, pay the bills and feed their children. Lord surround them with generous family, friends and neighbours who can help them through this time. Lord please show them the way forward. Give them the hope they need for the future.

Amen x x x x