Walnuts and a tin of buttons!

I’ve had an amazing week. It’s so great to be back at Barney’s hanging out with all my friends again! This morning was made extra special by an unexpected present from a wonderful friend, a dusty tin of buttons and a bag of crushed walnuts.

Now I can hear you all thinking, what kind of a present is that? Well, to me it is just the best and most thoughtful present. I love walnuts, but they are quite pricey so I don’t often treat myself, and my friend knows that I am a jewellery making nut and so a dusty tin full of beautiful, colourful buttons sends my creative thoughts rushing off skywards! My thoughtful friend knows how to fill up my love banks.

Do you know how to fill the love banks of the people you love? Do they know how to fill yours?

I have to recommend to you the fabulous ‘Five Love Languages’ books. In his books, for couples, singles and children, Gary Chapman describes how everyone expresses love in different ways and he has identified five specific languages of love: Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. What speaks volumes to you may be meaningless to your partner, friend or child. The key is to know your love language and those of the people most close to you in order to fully express your love and to feel truly loved in return. At the back of each book is a simple quiz that you take in order to find out your love language.

If your love language is Words of Affirmation then unsolicited compliments mean the world to you and hearing the words, “I love you,” are important. If it is Quality Time then nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby. The person whose love language is Receiving Gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift, not the monetary value. Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely to a person whose love language is Acts of Service! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. And finally a person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show concern, care, and love.

We have Gary Chapman’s books in our Barney’s library, please feel free to borrow them to find out what your love language is. Or you can look at

http://www.5lovelanguages.com where you can check online.

I highly recommend it, I know that my husband’s principal love language is Acts of Service, so my ironing his shirts each week fills his love bank, mine is Words of Affirmation, so tell me how much you love me and I am a happy bunny. Molly’s is physical touch, I love giving her hugs and Alice’s is Quality Time, so a ten mile bike ride with her makes her happy (and my bottom hurt!).

Some of us long for tender words. Others, a gentle touch, a thoughtful gift, a kind deed, or some precious time spent together.

Only when we have learned each other’s language have we truly learned to love.

God says “I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.” Jeremiah 31:3 NLT

The perfect murder weapon?

“If you wanted to commit the perfect, unsolvable, murder what weapon would you choose?”

My husband is a Detective Inspector in the Met and has dealt with many an ‘interesting’ murder scene in his 30 years as an officer, and this question is often the topic of conversation at dinner with friends. They want to know if it is possible to ‘get away with murder’!

I have watched many a documentary on TV about murder where there was no evidence of who did it left at the scene. One programme even suggested that a weapon, like a knife, or similar, able to stab someone could be made of ice and that would be the perfect weapon. Once inside the victim it would melt and there would be no murder weapon to be found.

Well, I’m no crime scene investigator, but all around me every day I see, speak and pray with murder victims. Sadly for these people their death wasn’t swift, but a slow, painful, tortuous experience. They have been attacked with the most cruel of murder weapons, a weapon that makes you die from the inside out – and that weapon is ‘words’.

Words, I believe, are the cruellest weapon you can use against anyone. Just a simple throwaway line to a child who has fallen over like “Get up stupid!” can be a killer – that child instantly identifies with that label and believes they are ‘stupid’. I’m sure that all of you can think of a time when someone said something to you that hurt. It not only hurt, but it then continued to fester in your heart and mind, making you doubt yourself, making you think differently about yourself and ultimately changing your whole view of yourself. Words are powerful things when used not in love or for encouragement.

This week Alice, our 13 year old, came home from school in floods of tears. She is in yr 9 at school, at the end of year 7 the school identified that she had a talent for art and asked if she would like to do her GCSE Art exam early. She started the coursework in yr 8 and has just done her mock exam, the final real exam being in May this year. We are really proud of her, she does have a talent for art, she has her own wonderful style and is always doing something creative. Her bedroom is a delight, the walls are covered in her work, paintings, cartoons, sketches, collages etc. She made me just the most beautiful picture for Christmas, a collage of photos of me and her interspersed with other bits of her art and she had framed it.

Wednesday evening she came home from school after her first art lesson of the year with her mock exam result, it was one mark off attaining a B grade at GCSE! We were so proud of her, at 13 she was doing so well. But she was crying. Her teacher had told her “she obviously hadn’t worked hard enough” and what she had produced for her exam was “too simplistic”. She was totally broken by his comments. Now that is murder. That is how you crush someone’s spirit. A 13 year old attaining a B grade at GCSE is totally amazing in my eyes, but obviously not in the eyes of her teacher. If I were her teacher I would not only be congratulating Alice for her achievement, but quite selfishly thinking maybe I had done a good job too in coaching her to achieve such a result!

Someone once said to me that before you are allowed to criticise someone you have to say seven positive things first and also phrase the negative as an encouragement rather than a criticism. Constructive or positive criticism is always the best option whether you are speaking to an adult or a child. Think before you speak, how would I feel if someone said this to me? If you wouldn’t like to have someone say it to you, then don’t say it. Say it in a way you would like to hear it, with love.

Follow the golden rule in Matthew’s gospel “Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.” Matthew 7:12 (New Living Translation)

And remember “Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.” Ephesians 4:29 (New Living Translation)

Words are sharper than swords, they can cut you down in one blow and sadly can remain with you forever. Please remember to use them wisely and lovingly - for the building up of people, not the cutting down.

My prayers go out today to all of you who are victims of other peoples words. God knows your pain and is crying with you. I would love to pray for you, or with you, for your healing. I know that God can and wants to heal you from this pain. Facebook inbox me, email me sallydryden@stbarnabas.co.uk; drop me a letter, text me or catch up with me any time.

“Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing.” Proverbs 12:18 (New Living Translation)

Plans or Goals?

I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. "When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen. "When you come looking for me, you'll find me. "Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed." God's Decree. "I'll turn things around for you. Jeremiah 29:11-14 (The Message)

It’s the 1.1.11, the day when our thoughts turn to the coming New Year and what it may bring for us. As the clock struck 12 last night my two girls immediately said “What are your New Years’ resolutions Mum?”.

Looking back on last year, I have to say that making plans aren’t always the best thing. Last year I found myself disappointed over something that I, and others, thought was certain to happen to me, but it didn’t. The plans we make often do not concur with those that God has for us. I like the idea of having goals for my life, but making plans for the year puts a time frame on events. Time frames can often lead to disappointment. I think I want to approach this year prayerfully, committing this year to God and His plans for me.

Even this morning I heard from a dear friend, who last night was excited for what this year held for her and her family. And then less than 6 hours later, heard that someone she loved dearly had died early this morning, totally blowing hers and her families hopes and dreams for the year to bits. My thoughts and prayers go out to her and her family at this really sad time.
My hope for this year is that I will take each day as it comes, make the most of every moment of each day, and spend time with my family and my wonderful friends, trusting in God for my happiness and fulfilment. He knows what is best for us. He has equipped us to handle life as it comes. Each day has enough for us to consider, we don’t need to anticipate tomorrows issues while we are still trying to live out today! And that is my prayer for you all too.

Thank you all for your love and support over the last year. I have really appreciated everything you have done and I am so blessed and honoured to have such a wonderful group of friends.

I would love to pray for you. If you are worried about what this year may hold for you, if you have unresolved issues from last year that you would like God’s help with, or if you want to know the peace of God which surpasses all understanding or meet with Jesus and have him as your personal saviour – then I would love to pray for you or with you. Facebook inbox me, email me sallydryden@stbarnabas.co.uk; drop me a letter, text me or catch up with me any time.

May God bless you and your families this year. Love and hugs to you all x x x x

‘May the Lord bless you and protect you.

May the Lord smile on you and be gracious to you.

May the Lord show you his favour and give you his peace.’
Numbers 6:24-26 (NLT)

You have done it for ME!

It’s the time of the year when Charities do their big TV advertising push to get people to sign up for monthly contributions to their causes. Today I saw an advert for Wateraid: 4,000 children die every day from drinking dirty water and for £2 a month per person that could change. How can such a small donation make such a big difference?

Just recently I have been asking God about what I should be doing for him. I get very frustrated. There seems so much to do, so many lives to be touched and changed just in the small piece of North Finchley that I live in. My heart breaks for the lost, the lonely, the broken hearted, the sick, the small people, in fact everyone – but I can’t do it all on my own. I can see many things that could be done to help, but I can’t do it on my own and it seems harder these days to motivate others to join in. I need God’s guidance on what he wants me to concentrate on.

Then I was recently introduced to a woman called ‘Veronica’. On Jesus final walk, carrying his cross along the Via Dolorosa, he fell and she pushed through the gathered crowd to wipe his face clean from the dust of his fall and the sweat and blood of his pain. She couldn’t do anymore than that. The situation was huge, and being controlled by a great force, the Roman Army. But she did what she could. She saw her opportunity and took it. Making Jesus feel better in that moment, showing she cared.

Jesus says to his disciples in Matthew 25:40 ‘whenever you do something for someone who is overlooked or ignored, it’s me, you are doing it to me!’. It doesn’t matter if it is a big bold act, like donating thousands of pounds to charity or a small thing like clearing the snow from the pavement in front of your neighbours’ house, cooking a meal for a sick friend or saying thank you to the lady on the checkout in Tesco. It’s the results of your actions that are important.

Random acts of kindness need not cost you monetarily, you could spare half an hour for a cup of tea with an elderly neighbour, baby sit for a single parent or tutor a child who needs some extra help with their school work (for no remuneration). If you are the kind of person who needs to be more organised then planned giving to a charity may be easier for you, £2 per person, per month, can make a huge difference if lots of people give.

If everyone did one little thing each day to improve the day of someone else what an amazing world we would live in! The most significant changes in the world have been the result NOT of committees, nations, governments, or armies, but of individuals. Individuals like Jesus Christ, Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela, Mother Teresa, the list can go on indefinitely. What about adding your name to that list?

Matthew 25:40 (The Message)
"Then those 'sheep' are going to say, 'Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry and feed you, thirsty and give you a drink? And when did we ever see you sick or in prison and come to you?' Then the King will say, 'I'm telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me—you did it to me.'

God so loved the world that He gave!

Being aware that I hadn’t written a thought this week, because I have been rushed off my feet with all the Christmas events we had this weekend at St Bs, today I was trawling the internet for a simple poem for you to read or song to listen to when I came across this. Reading it made me really check my attitude, I was that woman trailing around ASDA today thinking this is all so ridiculous for one day, so much food, so much fuss, Bah humbug!!!.

This is what I read:

“A woman was Christmas shopping with her two children. After many hours of looking at row after row of toys and everything else imaginable; and after hours of hearing both children asking for everything they saw, she finally made it to the elevator with her two kids.

She was feeling what so many of us feel during the holiday time of the year – overwhelming pressure to go to every party, taste all the holiday food, get that perfect gift for every person on our shopping list, make sure we don’t forget anyone on our card list, and so on.
The elevator was very crowded as she pushed her way in, dragging her two kids and all the bags of stuff. When the doors closed she couldn’t take it anymore and said, “Whoever started this whole Christmas thing should be strung up and shot.”

From the back of the elevator a quiet, calm voice respond, “Don’t worry, we already crucified Him.”

For the rest of the elevator ride, it was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop.”

Hmmmm!

This year, don’t forget to keep “the One who started this whole Christmas thing” in your every thought, deed, purchase and words. Take time to remember and thank Him for all His blessings. This year you get to celebrate one more wonderful Christmas with your family and friends, when some of your family and friends, with whom you celebrated Christmas last year, aren’t around to celebrate this one. Praise Him. Thank Him and count your blessings before getting mad at whatever Christmas demands from You.

“For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son; that whosoever believed in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” (John 3:16)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mUT_tPqIQ6k

The best laid plans of mice and men......

I like to do lists, plans and being punctual. I have to admit that normally I don’t commit my diary to God each week, but this time last week as I looked at what I was doing this week I had to say “Lord, you are the only person who can make that work and get me through it!”.

Added into our normal family diary for the week was Molly starting two weeks of mock GCSEs, there were two evening performances of the EBS school Christmas production, three nativity plays, my speaking at the Alpha Course at St Bs on Tuesday night and then Steve informed me he was out every night apart from Wednesday, the night we were watching the school production.

Team Dryden, not wanting to be beaten by this, sat down on Sunday night and meticulously planned every move, each of us knowing where, when and how this was all going to happen – car pick up and drop offs, meals planned etc. Feeling a great sense of achievement we launched into the week, the spanner in the works turned up Monday evening.

Molly got flu, had a really high temperature all through Monday night, therefore she got no sleep and I got no sleep. Heavily drugged up she was shipped off to school to complete her art exam Tuesday morning. Heavily drugged up she performed in the Tuesday school production. Heavily drugged up she went in for her next exam. Heavily drugged up she performed in the Wednesday school production. Thursday we gave up, heavily drugged up she stayed in bed. I took the approach that the exams were mocks and not the real thing therefore she could miss one! (I had had enough by then and cancelled my day too and stayed home with her).

The great bard Robert Burns said "The best-laid plans of mice and men, often go awry" and how true that is. Who are we to presume that we can plan each day perfectly for ourselves, when we live in a world that is so damaged and broken, so full of illness, sadness and unpredictability. We survived this week, exhausted but joyous. I am so thankful that I did think, at the beginning, to commit our week to God. He was gracious and saw us through it – it didn’t look one little bit like we had planned – in fact looking back now it looked sooooo much better!

Commit your actions to the Lord, and your plans will succeed.

Proverbs 16:3 (New Living Translation)

because...............

We humans keep brainstorming options and plans, but God's purpose prevails.
Proverbs 19:21 (The Message)

and..................

But the Lord’s plans stand firm forever; his intentions can never be shaken.
Psalm 33:11 (New Living Translation)

May God bless all your plans for the coming festive season x x x x x x x

Never go to sleep on an argument!

Always kiss your children goodnight, even if they are already asleep.

My girls, at 13 and 15, still insist that I tuck them into bed each night and I can’t think of a more immense pleasure. Despite what the day has held, how many times I have heard “I hate you” or “it’s not fair” it’s a chance to put everything right.

There is something so beautiful and innocent in the sight of a child in their bed, snuggled up under the duvet, smelling sweetly. I bury my nose into their hair, enjoying the aroma of child, feeling their hair tickling my face – and in that moment all the days ups and downs evaporate as waves of love flood over me. I am instantly transported back to when they were new born babies, sleeping in the moses basket next to my bed. I would lie on my bed for ages just watching their little chests going up and down, listening to their snuffling and marvelling at just how perfect they were. Now, 13 and 15 years on I still do the same thing – and I admit it pleases me as much as it does them.

It’s a chance for me to pray with and for them, for apologies to be made on both sides, for a debrief of the day and for lots of love to be shared. It says in the Bible “don’t sin by letting anger control you. Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.” Ephesians 4:26-27 (NLT). Never go to sleep on an argument is normally seen in marriage guidance books, but I believe this applies to your kids also. Make bedtimes special, resist dragging out the woes of the day – give them all to God and then enjoy the precious bundle of joy He has gifted you with.

Make peace, tomorrow is another day.

Goodnight, God bless, sweet dreams x x x